Baden Baden is the city of thermal baths. The river Oos runs through the heart of the city for one and a half miles and has a pedestrian walking path along the river which is lined with some of the best tree specimens in Europe. However, before you get to enjoy the beauty of Baden Baden, you have to get there. Arriving in Baden Baden was where things went bad.
Our drive from St. Goar went amazingly well. We exited the toll road and headed for the city center. We knew our hotel was near the city center and the thermal baths. We drove for several blocks into the city but after roughly twenty minutes, we realized that we needed assistance so we called our hotel. As a result of that call, the following conversations took place (street names may not be accurate).
Trudy: "Go straight away on Zuminheimer, then turn left."
Tom: "Is this a pedestrian walkway...damn...I'm on a pedestrian walkway."
Diane: "At least it's Sunday and there aren't many pedestrians."
Tom: "Jeeze, I drove on the pedestrian walkway the last time we were here."
Trudy: "No, the hotel lady says if we are by the avenue with the trees it's okay, now just go 'straight away' on Winkenheimer and we're almost there."
Tom: " Should I be going up a hill?"
Diane: "It looks like we are going out of the city."
Tom: " Am I supposed to be going up a big hill?
Trudy: " She says if you are passing a median with trees you are on the right street."
Diane: " It's really pretty out here."
Tom: " Did the lady say we're supposed to head for the trees...because this is a really big forest?
Trudy: " She says to go 'straight away' on Winkenheimer to the top of the hill, then turn at the first left."
Tom: " This looks more like a mountain."
Diane: "This is really pretty."
Tom: " Okay, we're at the top and I'm turning left....maybe this is the hotel."
Trudy: " Does it say Heliopark Hotel?"
Diane: " Looks like Accueview Orthopedic Clinic."
Trudy speaking with hotel clerk: " Are you located near an orthopedic clinic? No....there are a lot of trees...we are like in a forest setting....oh....you have no idea where we are? Okay, thanks for trying.
Tom: " Shite!" (British pronunciation)
We pulled out of the clinic and stopped at the top of the hill to ask two gentlemen who were walking along the road for directions. They did not speak English, however, we showed them the address and they pointed down the hill, made a "cork screw" signal with their hands and said "zoom, zoom, zoom." We thanked them and headed down the hill zoom zoom zoom. Unfortunately, we found ourselves entering a tunnel at least 1/4 mile long. We decided to stop at a petrol station, where we were directed to go back through the tunnel and to go "straight away" on Lichtentaler until we come to the Festspielhaus, then park in the Vagner parking area. Our next attempt went something like this.
Tom: " Okay, we're through the tunnel, we're on Lichtentaler."
Trudy: " Looking good."
Diane: " Tom, you are driving this six speed so well...good job!"
Tom: " Thanks, Diane, it's pretty easy since I had eight years of practice with my supra....looks like we have to turn here....shite....we're going back through the tunnel."
After returning back through the tunnel, it took three attempts to reach the parking garage, competing with bicycles, buses and motorcycles who ride the line between cars. Here is a condensed version of our conversation which took place over roughly fifteen minutes of hectic maneuvering.
Trudy: " You need to get in the left lane."
Tom: " It's okay...both lanes are cutting left through the hairpin curve."
Trudy: " How fast are you going?"
Tom: " Gotta stay with the traffic."
Trudy: " Seems like you are speeding."
Diane: " I'm staying out of this."
Tom: " Who is this guy...Mario Andretti trying to cut in ..."
Trudy: " Oh Jeeze....that's a pedestrian walkway."
Tom: " It doesn't look like a pedestrian walkway...is that a pedestrian walkway?"
Trudy: " Tom...please don't hit that Mercedes!"
Tom: " Is that gray car driving up the pedestrian walkway where it says Ausfahrt?
Diane: " I'm staying out of this."
Tom: " Ausfahrt means exit....right?
Tom: " Can somebody watch that red car and tell me if he Ausfahrts towards the pedestrian walkway?"
Trudy: " Can you just slow down?!"
Tom: " On the next turn I'm Ausfahrting."
Diane: " I think it means exit...oh wait...my German phrase book doesn't have Ausfahrt."
Tom: " The sun's in my eyes...I can't see..."
Trudy: " You're driving up a pedestrian walkway."
Tom: " It's the only way to get to the parking garage, ...I'm Ausfahrting. There's the entrance to the garage."
Trudy: "Well okay then....good job, Honey!"
And so we arrived in one piece at the Vagner parking structure, unloaded our luggage, got in the elevator in the parking garage, tried to act like we could read German and exited in the basement at the fruit market! As Danna Roseanna Dana's father used to say..."It's always something!"
Pictures of one of our favorite places in Germany:
Happy trails,
TNT
Oh my gosh! That is so funny and SO true!
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